Of Soap And Showers

I was in the shower the other morning, soaping up with the last sliver of soap that had split in half. Cheap dude that I am, can't let it go to waste. As I'm lathering up, I inadvertently bumped the wall and dropped the soap. I bend down to pick it up, and it's not there. Turn around and scan the entire tub. Not there. Stuck to the wall? Nope. Shower curtain? Nope. I move the shower curtain aside to see if it slid up the side of the tub and is hiding behind the curtain. Nope. What the heck? Okay, maybe I'm just going blind in my old age. After all, it is a white slice of soap on a white tub. I bend down and look closer. It's not there. Not even behind the shampoo bottles. Okay, I give up. Whatever. I grab the new soap that I had smartly placed in the soap dish in anticipation of needing it (my motto: Be Prepared!) and finished up.

As I exit the tub, what do I see? The remnants of my soap parked in the middle of the bath mat. How the heck it managed to get out of the tub with the shower curtain completely closed is beyond me, though I'm sure the physics of it all would be fascinating.

And speaking of tubs and soap, I was reminded of a time last May when I flew to California for a business trip. I was staying in the hotel, and when I went to take a shower, I noticed a heavy rubber bath mat perched on the edge of the tub. Seeing how I haven't used a bath mat since I was like, ten, I ignored it and went about my showering. After all, I'm a healthy guy, reasonable shape, and have been showering at least daily for decades without a problem, why would I expect this day be any different?

So I'm in the middle of rinsing my hair when I realize my feet are going one way and my upper body is going the other. The importance of said bathmat is now glaringly obvious. I reach for the grab bar conveniently located on the wall, but I am too far away. No ifs, ands, or buts, I'm going down. The only thing I could think of was that they were going to find my dead naked soapy body when I didn't show up for the morning meeting. Next thing I know my feet are in the tub, my body is on the bathroom floor, and I'm looking at my reflection in the mirrored closet door. I started laughing, of course. I mean, what else could I do? It was pretty funny.

Note to self: if a hotel provides you with a rubber bath mat, use it. They clearly know something you do not.